At this very moment, I am holding two very opposing energies and figuring out what the hell to do with them.

On one hand, I am a writer, creative, and passionate person who knows that sharing and storytelling are part of my essence and my unique expression, while on the other hand, I have been trained and molded to believe that all things worth doing must breed success, either in attention or money.

This isn’t some article set to focus on my whoas as a creative; that story has been told and wrung out since the beginning of time, but rather this is an opening into honest reflection on what it feels like to be so split by something so powerful and so lovely.

The real raw truth is that I am pissed.

I am pissed that when I write something meaningful and fundamentally moving, it receives 10 likes.

BUT I am even more pissed, frustrated, and ashamed that I even care at all!

I burst forth from the womb with a lot to say and a love of life.
That is what writing, creating, and sharing are for me,
and it grinds the very gears I run on,
that I have allowed the belief that quantity, visibility, and profitability are some secret code to unlocking my external security on this Earth.

I am pissed about it.

Present Day Reflection

I am not so pissed now.

Rather than rooting in the mud and sinking to the depths of the forlorn artist, I shall instead shift that belief (even if it takes every bone in my mindfulness body).

My new belief, should I fully embody the challenge, goes as such

• When I create new things, I step into my highest self

• When I share things, I detach from the possible outcomes

• When I am at my highest self and detached from outcomes, my work has the greatest impact…even when I never see it

• Where there is joy, there is magic, and where there is magic, there is a path forward

The next step in self-coaching myself through this new belief is to explore HOW I plan to make this shift stick. So here is what we have so far:

• Every time I sit down to create, I ask myself, “What message am I trying to share?” or “What do I desire to create?” instead of “Who is this for, or how does this make sense?”

• When the post is posted, and the sharing is done, I want to counteract that energy with something grounding. Going for a walk, dropping into a meditation, cooking a meal. Anything that puts meaningful space between me and the work (not just scrolling on my phone).

• DO THE SUBCONSCIOUS WORK! Through meaningful repetition, my beliefs will eventually shift, but to achieve the greatest impact and sustain the change, something has to shift within my mind. Somewhere in the deep filing cabinet of my mind lives a file of all the recorded times the old belief of production, success, and visibility lives, and it’s time to replace that with a much more updated one.

The tool I use for subconscious work that has changed my life here.

I set my hopes and dreams on looking up a year or even 6 months from now, and have a completely shifted relationship with this platform, my art, and even the way I dream about what success looks like in my life.

Tune in to find out where we end up.

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In the midst of all the strenuous movement, immersion in nature, and inspiration from learning new things about the Earth, a soft knowing became a clear and present certainty.

On mile 4.5 of the 6-mile hike, a wave of creativity and inspiration crashed over me in a way that felt familiar, yet fresh.

With no laptop to begin working on, I dug my phone from the bottom of my bag, which usually stays tucked away on adventures, and began fervently jotting down every note as it rushed through my mind, catching all the lessons, inspirations, and ideations, and they swirled around.

Thus, Teachings from the Forest begins. A string of short and potent writings that have lived in the ether around me like seeds all bursting to bloom all at once. There is no set end to this, but rather a knowing of what grows from the forest, and what needs to sprout separately.

The first writing will follow this introductory article shortly, as these epiphanies are eager to dance out in the world. From there, Teachings from the Forest will trickle over time, woven in with the other writings and workings of Journey Home Healing.

So gather your most creative, open self, lace up your hiking shoes, and we shall journey into the trees to begin.

You see, a life in motion isn’t for the faint of heart, no matter how majestic we content creators try to make it. Life on the road, especially in a big rig like the one we opted for, comes with its fair share of unique and character-refining challenges.

From the confined shared space, planning months in advance where you will be staying, triple-checking every highway route for possible detours, to secret costs and lopsided campgrounds that make your house just unlevel enough to leave you a bit uneasy, it is an active-as-can-be lifestyle. There is always something to be considered.

And the first month definitely felt that way.

We were constantly in awe that we were getting to do this, and also often wondering why something felt just smidge “off". Like the vision wasn’t quite meeting the reality, but not in a directly negative way, just a “hmmm, this is a lot of effort to still feel like we are sitting in traffic and spending money on random things all week like we did ‘back home’.”

There was a longing for the backcountry of Colorado and getting lost among its trails.

And then, we pulled into our first state park site of the trip.
Not a RV park in a tourist town, like we had been at, but instead a haven of nature protected and stewarded by nature lovers alike, and that is when it all finally clicked.

We pulled into our spot and just knew that we had found the magic.

We’ve been at Fall Creek Falls State Park for almost a week now, and we’ve left the park once.
The entire time we were out, we itched to get back.

Since arriving, each day has been inviting us to slow down, put our feet in the grass, and take a “casual” (or not-so-casual) hike in the afternoon.
That connection and calling from all that surrounds us has nourished the part of my soul that was wondering what this was all for.

Of course, I have decided to let this be a reminder that proximity to nature is as powerful as all the research says it is, and that that proximity is a privilege.
The stark difference in how it felt to be close to nature in Hot Springs, AR, to how it feels to be IN nature here in Tennessee is palpable and potent.

So, I let this reminding be an invitation to you, to
open a new browser,
look at your calendar,
pick some dates,
book a campsite or cabin,
pack the car,
and go get lost.

Nothing fancy, nothing complicated, just accessible and with intention.

Let the quiet evening unravel you.
The laughter of families at play lighten you.
Let the exhaustion of adventure remind you that you are alive.

And then observe how you have been transformed on the other side.

That message is beauty.

It’s joy, it’s hope, it’s radical self-love, it’s a beckoning of community work.

Just as near the Poison Ivy, the Jewelweed grows, a natural antidote to the oils on the skin, joy grows prolifically alongside turmoil.

Thus, this meditation is born.

For when you are feeling heavy, burdened, discouraged, or disconnected, calling in what is beautiful is the antidote.

Depending on what you need today, you can do this meditation lying down, walking, seated, or immersed in nature. We will call in all that is beautiful around you and within you and let it be medicine to your nervous system and …

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The movement of the energy all around us and its unique ability to be the most beautiful while also the most transitory.

That wave of emotion, urgency, & the unknown all dive through the nervous system like a swarm of bees or a school of fish.

But oh, how precious.

In the same sense, the cycle of hormones, or the disruption of them, can feel just as magnificent as it may be unsettling.

The creation of new life, both in babies being made and in bodies shedding, rocks the way of knowing, of being, and of interpreting the world around you.

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Not the millions of things that try to sell you the magic.

You are the guide.

Not the people who sell you their insight.

You are the teacher and the student of your own life.

Not the guru sitting atop the mountain.

An interesting thing about becoming a nationally certified integrative life coach is I am not being trained to be the expert at all. I am not there to assume, provide advice, diagnose, or even encourage clients.

The most critical belief a successful coach can have is that their clients, in an ideal world, wouldn’t even need them at all. It is not because we aren’t skilled, trained, and smart people, it is because, if the world were different and people had the space and security to spend more time bored and with themselves, they would all come to realize, just as a coach already knows, that every single thing they need in order to live a full, magical, memorable, and aligned life is fully and inescapably already within them.

Every belief that needs tending, shadow that needs illuminating, motivation that needs initiation, it’s all there.

So when the ads keep flashing telling you to buy more, spend more, be more, do more, the invitation should rather be, spend nothing, do nothing, be nothing.

That is yoga, that is presence, that is meditation. That is where your magic lives.

It feels so abstract to “be nothing".” What does being nothing mean?!
You are a human made of flesh and bone and matter.
You have a brain and a heart and even a liver!
HOW CAN YOU BE NOTHING IF YOU ARE SOMETHING?!

You are alive, that is true. But think for a moment of all the things that you “are.”
A mother? A friend? A boss? A procrastinator? A slow thinker? A quick talker?
Think about what all of that means for you.

To be a mother, you care for LITERALLY other humans with your entire heart and soul.
A friend, to be attentive, present, and communicative with your actions.
A boss, timely, clear, direct, and constantly evolving.
A procrastinator, apologetic, anxious, catching up on sleep.
You get the idea.

You are so many things - what if, for just a moment, you were nothing?
Not a person who takes care of other people.
Not a person who worries about when the next thing will inevitably come.
Not anything.

Sitting in the nothingness. No need to rush, to complete, to compete, to analyze.
What if, for just a moment, you allowed yourself to spend nothing, do nothing,

be nothing?

Then the idea becomes less abstract.
It becomes more tangible.
And all of a sudden, you have tapped into a part of you that is clear of all programming, all shame, all expectation, and all burden.

You find yourself in a place within yourself that has room to create, dream, rest, and reshape. That is where the magic lives.

That is where you will know with full certainty that you are the magic.

Something slimy and oozy and oh so gummy must be stuck in the gears.

Between the thirty-day writing challenge and the work of creating yoga and meditation content, I found myself unable to produce anything of note. Not working on my mail newsletter, being inspired by REELs on my feed, or squeezing one poem or short story through the goo.

I could blame it on the desire to monetize some of my work, though I know it will eventually be part of how I build my dreams.

I could blame it on the travel schedule and demands of being a nomad, but who am I kidding? With some proper time management, I have more free time than god herself.

No its something stickier.
Something trickier.
Something squishing through the gaps of all the self-confidence I have worked so hard to embody.

It is something far more relatable, tangible, and powerful than any fleeting self-doubt or desire to rage against the machine and suffer for my art.

What sticks and clings and forces itself to be known is that all too real worry that all this effort, all this passion, all this creativity is for nothing. That no one will care, and the world will keep turning.

That my too muchness will marry my not enough-ness and leave me vulnerable and right back “where I started.”

But fear not.

Just as you are reading this quick writing of the day, so have I begun to clear the goop once again. After years of trial and error and the knowing of the all-too-familiar feelings, I have concocted my “work-without-fail” goo remover.

The recipe for me:

• 3 days in a row of To Be Magnetic meditations (minimum)

• Letting myself rest - either with extra sleep or less activity in the day

• More time in nature.

  • Touching trees, swimming, hiking, laying in the grass are all options here.

• Tell someone or multiple someones about the sticky feeling

• A nasty journal entry followed by a beautiful one

• “Just sit down and start” after all of the above, works magic

A mix of all or some of these is sure to at least give those gears a little more room to turn, and before you know it, you look up, and you’ve got a fully written newsletter, three REELS scheduled, and a Substack post ready to send and all the silly little goblins in the back of your mind have been quieted once again.

For every single quality video you see online, there are days or weeks or more of planning, prep, execution, and magic. And that is exactly what I felt when making my first yoga video for this Substack.

From rushing across town because I forgot equipment at home to getting bad feedback on my mic anytime I moved from one pose to another, making this video was a true work of love and drive & I wouldn’t have it any other way.

This is not a perfect yoga video.

And maybe that’s exactly why it matters.

The act of sharing this practice in all its “beginner video creation-ness” is part of something much bigger — Part of creating accessible mind-body practices that center journeying within, simple grounding principles, and creativity for creativity’s sake.

To cut out the noise of consumption, western beauty standards, body shaming, and outrageous cost, opening up a world of limitless possibilities and a pathway towards healing the inner self for anyone who seeks it.

If you choose to join that journey in practice, hold the first few videos with grace and an open heart and know that it truly only gets better from here.

And maybe that’s exactly why it matters.

The act of sharing this practice in all it’s “beginner video creation-ness” is part of something much bigger.

A return. A remembering. A coming back to the purpose, one breath, one shape, one moment at a time.

In this 40-minute Hatha Vinyasa yoga flow, you’ll be guided through a grounded, intentional practice that blends slow strength-building holds (Hatha yoga) with gentle, mindful flow (Vinyasa flow). This is a space to explore your body with curiosity, not perfection.

Whether you’re brand new to yoga or returning to your mat after time away, this practice meets you where you are. You’ll be encouraged to modify, pause, rest, and listen inward every step of the way.

This is yoga for real life.
For the messy middle.
For the version of you that is still becoming.

What to expect:

• 40-minute full body yoga flow

• Hatha + Vinyasa style blend

• Beginner-friendly with options to deepen

• Focus on alignment, breath, and mindful movement

• …

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And then we saw it.
A small sign sticking from the fresh Earth.

Dozen Fresh Eggs $5

“FIVE DOLLARS - what a steal, maybe we should drive back down here and get that phone number after we are settled.”

And then down the road we went.

Only a few short miles later, we saw it.
A small sign sticking from the fresh Earth.

”Dozen eggs $5 $4”

“FOUR DOLLARS - well, that is wild! They are keeping it competitive around here. It would be crazy to keep driving and come across some for $3- we laughed”

And again down the road we went.

A few short miles later, we found ourselves settling into our spot for the week.
Parking the trailer, pulling out the slide, and putting the kitchen back together after a jostling ride.
No small sign sticking from the fresh Earth with farm-fresh eggs for $3.

Until a few hours later,

As we wandered the amenities of the peaceful plot of land, I mozied into the little red barn open for guests to do laundry and take a warm shower,

and there it was.

A fridge full of canned goods, cold drinks, and you guessed it…

“Farm Fresh Eggs $3/dozen"

There is surely some kind of lesson in this.
Whether it be that when one door closes, another more aligned door shall open.

Or maybe not to rush into the first thing that sounds like it might be the right fit when you know that something better may be just around the corner.

Or, probably the most grounded of the options, sometimes you pass on things not really knowing if there is anything better, more affordable, or more aligned. You just drive past without too much thought, and then suddenly, you are in the presence of a blessing you never could have known would be there.

A third option to break open your dual-thinking mind.

We ended up purchasing 3 dozen eggs. One for us and two for a friend.

A blessing indeed.

A land barren of forestry, rich in open starry nights
A peaceful yet rugged place where the nomads wandered long ago

& somewhere in that openness, when I closed my eyes,
I could see them

Swaying above my head, rooted deep into the Earth, carrying the wisdom of decades and centuries.
The trees.
Elsewhere.

Not in the field or near the canyons.

but steady along the river, dense in the forest, and taller than any warrior man. Rich in greens and browns.

The trees called to me in my sleep and in my soul.

Their nature moves within me.

An embodiment of rooted strength and the steady growth of time.

With each return to the plains, no matter how rich that time may be, there is rarely a moment when I don’t long to sit beneath their shade or run my hand along their aging bark.

So I move closer. Each step guiding me and pulling me to where the trees are.

Where I feel most at home.

Stay tuned to Journey Home Healing for a new Yoga & Meditation library launching in the coming weeks!

This library will be available to all paid subscribers ($5/month) and will include a range of styles and levels for people at all stages of life. If there’s anything you would love to see sooner rather than later, let me know!

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While it was no eight-hour voyage through the mountains of Colorado, and it was only a two-hour drive across the flat plains, the adrenaline of finally setting off turned our dials of pride and excitement all the way up.

The day we pulled into the local RV park, found our spot, and got all hooked up is one we will never forget!

Things we have learned with one week under our belt (so far)

#1 - If you don’t want to be without proper hookups, PLAN AHEAD

There is this energy that washes over you when you buy a camper. This sudden urge to throw caution to the wind, let the river take you where it may, and allow all things to “fall into place” exactly as they should.

And don’t get me wrong, there is definitely a part of me that honors that energy well. HOWEVER, as with any meaningful and purposeful thing, there is a fundamental need for intentionality that allows space for freedom and excitement rather than stress and worry. And we learned that lesson FAST.

One day, we were talking about waking up to the sunrise bursting across Palo Duro Canyon on our daily morning hikes, and the next, we faced the reality that we had planned to book our spot right in the middle of spring break, during the weeks of perfect weather ahead.

A dream of the endless ability to book the perfect, most sought-after site the week of turned into a realization that finding the balance between free-spiritedness and awareness will be crucial for this adventure.

Lessons learned, and all our spots for the next month are booked and ready to go!

Up next:

• Fort Worth, Texas

• Hot Springs, Arkansas

• Chattanooga & Gatlinburg, Tennessee

• And beyond!

#2 - The people who sold us our trailer are true saints walking this Earth

The rig we ended up with keeps showing, over and over, that we are on the right path, because after two weeks of living in it, we are still on cloud nine about our choice. From the layout to the amenities to the style, everything continues to feel like home.

& when we think about how generous, caring, and attentive the previous owners were both in owning it and in selling it, we are even more grateful. Rather than spending time on endless repairs, pinching pennies from an overpriced buy, or wishing we had chosen a different floor plan, we are decorating, showing it off, and finding all the nooks and crannies to store all our things.

#3 - Watching other people in the park and looking at their setups is the most entertaining pastime possible

Of course, we respect people’s privacy and try not to be creepers, but man, oh man, there is just so much to see. From big rigs pulling big trucks (instead of the other way around), to tiny campers housing two people and three dogs, there is an endless combination of the type of people and setups just at this one park in this one place.

We are especially excited about landing in places where people spend more time outdoors and in community spaces, so we can start making new friends and hearing their stories rather than just observing from the window or while on walks!

Overall, we are certain that this will be the most refining and interesting experience of both our lives, as so much lies ahead with both a certainty and a vast unknown. As we have settled in, an opening is forming, providing the space, opportunity, and clarity we have much needed.

I cannot wait to continue sharing along the way!

So this morning I woke up on the precipice of day two, always the worst for me.

I could feel the cramping deep in my belly and the stiffness in my lower back, a cruel welcome to such a beautiful morning.

Grumpy, slow-moving, and uncomfortable, I made my way to the kitchen.

Already with guards up and the desire to curl up in a ball and melt into the Earth, I beckoned in the bickering with Peter, refusing the hugs and finding all the mistakes of our lovely daily routine.

A righteous nature stemming from my pain and emotional exhaustion seeping into all the cracks of the day ahead.

Until, like a whisper from god herself, the easy listening electronic morning playlist echoed from the living room, and a grin broke across my face.

In one moment, ready to rage war over the island counter top, and the next, we were bumping booties, wiggling our arms above our heads, and swaying our hips back and forth.

The cramps melted away if only for a moment.
The room felt lighter.
And the warmth of laughter and togetherness filled the space that was previously occupied by the tension of discomfort.

There are few, if any, moments in which lightness cannot be the medicine.
There is rarely an argument too serious or an expectation too important in which a moment of lightness does not reach in and soften.

So remember, when the world feels dark or your space feels too heavy, allow yourself to dance. Let the light in.

This shift into a state of being that pulled at all the edges of my being.

I was in the wondering, the wishing, and the worrying, while also being in transition and limbo.

There, every button being pressed, every stress being stressed, and all the daily decisions still needing to be made as massive amounts of painful information flooded our screens and our body systems.

There was a moment when I found myself questioning every part of what I had built and where I was headed.

And just when I thought I had met the edge of it all, when I couldn’t bear the wondering any longer, the wind shifted.

Just as a caterpillar metamorphoses into a butterfly, the process of transformation requires a middle stage, where the caterpillar turns into a sludge-like goo within the chrysalis before emerging into the world in its truest form

And part of that is that no matter how badly we want to get to the other side,
where we are the butterfly,
where we have everything that authentically aligns with all we dream of,
is that we must succumb to the “goo.”

We must let our old self, and all it needed to hold onto, take on a form of surrender that often feels like letting it die. We let all that we have learned, done, and come to know become the nutrients for who we are becoming.

And that looks like allowing ourselves to enter into the goo.
To create like we are in the goo.
To dream like we are in the goo.
To rest like we are in the goo.

Because all the freedom, the discomfort, the space that the goo provides, is in preparation for what comes next. The complete reorganizing of ideas and beliefs that pulls us closer and closer to the highest expression of ourselves.

Read more about this beautiful concept in Danielle Gould’s article, Navigating a Crumbling World: Lessons From the Chrysalis.

Waking up last week, I felt the shift within the goo; I felt my mind and body finally stop attacking the new cells being formed from the old. I stopped fighting the goo and instead allowed myself to become it.

And in that acceptance, that permission to become uncertain, the clarity I had been searching for found me.

The old version of my dream was stripped away and given a new purpose.
From a vision focused on Joy, Warmth, and Integrity, to something deeper, something less clear but far more powerful.

• Stewardship: to steward land, life, self, and community through times of change and transformation. To be the caretaker of my container and to create space within me to hold more.

• Resilience: to be unshakable. A resilience to look pressure in the face and hold firm and soft at the same time. A body that rebounds and a focus that is determined.

• Expansion: to bathe in the belief that all things are possible. To see to believe in a better world, a more aligned life, and abundance in all areas of existence.

Not a need for abandoning my joy, warmth, or integrity, but rather integrating them within this new level of expression. A space that feels more far-reaching and more rooted in my purpose.

Never has the cycle of reintroduction been easy, but with each round and each season of wondering, the belief that clarity always lies on the other side of uncertainty grows ever stronger.

A deep, unshakable knowing that the stripping is here to reveal a layer far more real and meaningful than anything we fight to hold on to.

Thank you for taking the time to meet me here today.

It feels like this project of sitting down to write has been the key to unlocking so many beautiful things within the “goo.”

I have some projects out in the ether that speak so deeply to my soul and that I hope will be shared broadly soon, but if you are in a phase of desiring to consume more physical media and art, one of these projects may just be medicine for your soul as much as it is mine.

I am releasing parts of that project to my paid subscribers and close personal friends to begin, as it requires much more time and resources than sitting down to write here does. So if your curiosity has been piqued, you can be one of the first to experience this new form of works by becoming a paid subscriber ($5/month or $55/year).

I would absolutely love to bring you along on the journey of exploring something new.

What did that mean?

That meant setting aside the idea of a resolution or goal and, instead, stepping into a space where creativity, cultivation, stewardship, and care took center stage.

More practically, it looked like sitting down every single day to write and share regardless of time, mood, or ideas.

While I have not succeeded in the everyday part, though it’s improving, I have written 10 Substack articles (including this one).

Some are more poetic in nature like:

While others are more reflective about life and even my personal experiences like:

And along the way, sharing how this experience has already begun to push and mold me:

Each direction, pathway, and genre bringing deep meaning to the practice and reminding me once again that human nature contains multitudes. The poems, the shared stories, and the lessons in growth, all finding there place in this narrative.

When I took the time to create some graphics to share on my Instagram about the most recent works, here is the caption that came out of me when trying to express what led me here:

Lately, I’ve been feeling really nostalgic for the 2020 version of me.

The version of me who would stay up until 2 am working on her personal website. Not a website she expected large droves of traffic to find, but a space out in the tech-sphere that felt like hers.

The version of me that was posting blogs as the ideas flowed in, without worrying if other people would understand what she was trying to say.

The version of me that got lost in creating, scheming, trying new things, and sharing her lived experiences.

I’m not yearning to be who I used to be; I love who I have become, and yet, I want to call in the essence of that self that found

discipline in creativity,
healing in sharing,
and inspiration in inquiry.

So here is that attempt.

A 30-day challenge to sit down and write on Substack. Much simpler than building an entire website, but just as soothing for the soul.

I hope you find part of your story in mine.

A call to other versions of me to come sit in this space. To remind me of what sparked transformative action so long ago.

So, if you find yourself seeking pieces that feel more human, more raw, more fun, and more genuine, you are in the right place.

Thank you for being here and thank you for being YOU!

Being an A+ person probably has its perks.

Gold medals at the Olympics,
shooting off into space to discover some unknown resource beyond,
or always having a tidy home, with a clean and clear to-do list hanging on the fridge, doesn’t sound so shabby.

Being an A+ person seems to come with accolades, opportunities, and success that outmatch the progress of most people.

But for me, the sacrifice of being an “A+ always” type of person in today’s world of hyper progress, hyper glorification of power, and expectations of complete self-sacrifice doesn’t make all that work seem any more meaningful.

And while that may be my observation now, it hasn’t always been so clear.

I can vividly remember the time in my life when I really, really, really wanted to be A+.

I wanted to be loved by my teachers,
make the highest grades,
be the best at all the things I tried, and be “something”
(whatever my idea of “something” was).

I received some accolades, some purpose, and somewhat of a direction…

What I mostly got was the development of a panic disorder, quitting A LOT of things, and unfounded perfectionism.

Yet, as I have lived and grown, I have learned that maximum effort does not always yield maximum reward. Through reflecting on my efforts, I have seen that striving for A+ perseverance builds a kind of resilience and depth of focus that has never come naturally to me.

So rather than fight it, burning myself out, and wishing I were different.

I’ve adapted.

The panic has subsided,
the perfectionism is much quieter now,
and I’ve adopted the practice of putting in real, meaningful effort in the areas that matter to me.

Allowing myself the freedom and admiring the beauty of loving lots of things regardless of how good I may or may not be at them.

I’ve been able to spread out without spreading so thin.

And when I do reach my edge, I am learning to let go even more to remain intact.

So, this looks like accepting the B+ sometimes rather than fighting for the A+.

In graded terms, that looks like

making sure the work gets turned in, even if it’s a tad late.
making sure I understand and comprehend the content, but not obsessing over taking notes on it all,
and citing my sources with a few formatting errors here and there.

In life, that means

• more openness in allowing others to lead; stepping back sometimes

• allowing things that can be solved tomorrow or in a week to be solved then, instead of RIGHT NOW

• admitting that I’m wrong a lot of the time

  • translated to not holding on so tight to things that are not that important.

  • Fight like hell for the things that are <3

• Using as much of my time and effort on the things that truly, deeply light me up and the rest of what’s left for pretty much everything else.

It is certainly not a perfect formula, and I’m not sure there ever could be, but wow, giving myself permission to just “be alright” at things like cleaning bathrooms or turning in low-weighted graded assignments with just a smidgen less effort is FREEING.

And plot twist…

The reason I added “mostly” to the end of this article’s title is because the more I allow room for B+ effort, the more I have found myself giving A+ effort to things that are in greater alignment.

It looks like actually reaching out to my professor about a grade because I really care about the class, or tweaking a graphic for a client ten times to make sure it represents their brand just right, because it’s an honor to create for them.

It’s the ability to increase effort and desire to succeed without the impending burnout.

It’s the breaks that pump when I reach the edge of what I can give.

Allowing myself to be B+ a lot of the time has made space for building something I never saw possible, and this article you are reading is a part of that.

Sitting down each day, no matter how messy or bad or relatable or late at night my writings are, I sit down, and I write.

Each day is becoming a little clearer, a little more succinct, a little more creative, and I am a lot more pleased with my work and the efforts it takes to create something worth sharing.

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I’d say that’s only part of how we understand both home and money.

While billionaires compound their greed with greed, abusing power, killing the planet, and seeming to never let enough be enough, there are people who a few extra dollars a month could make the difference in being fed or not, getting educational support or not, or paying for the electricity or not.

Where one finds no happiness in the endless void of more, the other could find room for more peace and security which may allow for a deep sense of happiness to emerge.

I feel the same way about a sense of home.

While there is richness in feeling warm and held in spaces and places that hold our hearts, it can be difficult to separate the sense of home from a carefully curated collection of items and spaces that feel like they hold me back.

The idea that home is anywhere, with anyone, is so admirable. I live in awe of the nomad, the backpackers, and the minimalists.

Finding home in the simplicity of it all.

Maybe it’s the Earth sign in me, but a “home” away from my home only sustains me for up to two weeks, and then, like clockwork, or a beacon calling me back, I begin to lose my sense of self, my sense of security.

After years of trial and error. Traveling, changing lifestyles, acquiring more and acquiring less, I’ve finally started to grasp what “home is where the heart is” means to me.

Home is a place filled with deep intention, not overconsumption.

Home is unique to me and tells the story of all the years I have lived.

Home is access to the hobbies and homemaking that warm my spirit and my soul.

It’s not about whether my house has wheels on it or not. Whether I have a roommate or not, or even whether I’m confined to one room worth of space or not.

It’s about the few deeply meaningful pieces of art that follow me everywhere I go, the letters from loved ones that get taped up on the door, and the ability to make bread for my friends and neighbors.

A place that can be cleansed, stewarded, and appreciated.

Like the house witch, tending the home like a warm hearth.

I welcome myself home each time I pull out the boxes and gently unpack it all. Finding the perfect spot for what I crave to see each day when I wake and each night when I go to sleep.

& after weeks of being far from those things, I’m finally feeling like I’m home again; finding my heart again.

More on that coming soon.

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The prayer in its simplest form,

May I see what I need to see

Hear what I need to hear

Know what I need to know

Understand what I need to understand

May I lay aside my ego to be of service to others, the Earth, and myself.

And today I am grateful for…

This short burst of magic and intention, woven from the teachings of Lizzie Tilia, resources from Ora Cacao, and my own lived experiences immersed in deep prayer becoming so deeply woven in my heart it slips from my lips multiple times a day.

We start each day with this prayer before breakfast is had or a sip of coffee/cacao is drunk.

A North Star, an omen, and asking from god to help unveil what is needed from us to live for the highest good of all things around us.

And some days we say this prayer through gritted teeth. Worn from transition, soured by a poor nights rest, or distracted by what the day holds.

Yet, the prayer leads us forward with compassion, kindness, and an open heart.

Other days the prayer is a mirror of the joy, aliveness, and connectedness we feel. A gratitude list minutes and minutes long, soft giggles, and hand holding abound.

There is no religion to it.

No bargaining with god.

No repentance.

Simply, an acceptance that what is for us will find us and what is not will pass.

That we will learn, grow, and listen to those around us and with that we will serve and be held.

A beautiful and simple moment of peace, quieting the noise, and setting the stage for what is to unfold.

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I haven’t missed taking my vitamins in over 5 years (mostly) but I crave fast food 5 times a week.

I’m in grad school doing something no one in my family has ever done before and yet I turn in so many late assignments just trying to keep up.

When it gets really hard I finally journal and do my meditations but when life feels a bit easy I say “what tools?”

I want to be a good listener but I love the sound of my own voice.

I don’t leave out dirty dishes but my piles of dirty clothes just grows and grows.

I am doing so good but is it enough?

Can it be enough?

Can I believe this is enough?

To the bees it’s enough to find flowers and make honey.

To the rivers it’s enough to flow along and down the way.

To the ants it’s enough to collect food for the colony.

For the trees it’s enough to breathe and provide breath.

I think for now, in this moment, what I have to offer is enough.

I am enough.

“Come on, just move a little slower,” she insists.

“Slow down, please,” she pleads.

A phrase to bring peace, now a battle cry for change.

Has it ever really been in our nature to move slowly, or has it always been an active choice to look around and choose richness over rapidness?

Where now our nervous system are wrecked by emails and honking horns, we used to live in fear of starvation or the creatures lurking in the dark as we slept.

Has there ever really been a moment where choosing peace over worry was any simpler?

That’s the nature of cycles.

Not that anything becomes easier or harder, but rather the same lessons take new form.

The active choice to breathe where others chose to hold.
to dance when others chose to sit aside.
to create when robots take up spaces that used to be ours.
to raise children to run outside and play when the world tells you to keep them in.

No harder than celebrating despite the poor harvest
No riskier than singing praises when the wells ran dry
No more heartbreaking than the sound of a child’s cough when the weather was unkind.

Moving slowly in a time that demands we move faster.
A gift, a challenge, an invitation, and a hand reaching back into the past to say, “I am right here with you in the ever changing nature of it all.”

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