Not the millions of things that try to sell you the magic.

You are the guide.

Not the people who sell you their insight.

You are the teacher and the student of your own life.

Not the guru sitting atop the mountain.

An interesting thing about becoming a nationally certified integrative life coach is I am not being trained to be the expert at all. I am not there to assume, provide advice, diagnose, or even encourage clients.

The most critical belief a successful coach can have is that their clients, in an ideal world, wouldn’t even need them at all. It is not because we aren’t skilled, trained, and smart people, it is because, if the world were different and people had the space and security to spend more time bored and with themselves, they would all come to realize, just as a coach already knows, that every single thing they need in order to live a full, magical, memorable, and aligned life is fully and inescapably already within them.

Every belief that needs tending, shadow that needs illuminating, motivation that needs initiation, it’s all there.

So when the ads keep flashing telling you to buy more, spend more, be more, do more, the invitation should rather be, spend nothing, do nothing, be nothing.

That is yoga, that is presence, that is meditation. That is where your magic lives.

It feels so abstract to “be nothing".” What does being nothing mean?!
You are a human made of flesh and bone and matter.
You have a brain and a heart and even a liver!
HOW CAN YOU BE NOTHING IF YOU ARE SOMETHING?!

You are alive, that is true. But think for a moment of all the things that you “are.”
A mother? A friend? A boss? A procrastinator? A slow thinker? A quick talker?
Think about what all of that means for you.

To be a mother, you care for LITERALLY other humans with your entire heart and soul.
A friend, to be attentive, present, and communicative with your actions.
A boss, timely, clear, direct, and constantly evolving.
A procrastinator, apologetic, anxious, catching up on sleep.
You get the idea.

You are so many things - what if, for just a moment, you were nothing?
Not a person who takes care of other people.
Not a person who worries about when the next thing will inevitably come.
Not anything.

Sitting in the nothingness. No need to rush, to complete, to compete, to analyze.
What if, for just a moment, you allowed yourself to spend nothing, do nothing,

be nothing?

Then the idea becomes less abstract.
It becomes more tangible.
And all of a sudden, you have tapped into a part of you that is clear of all programming, all shame, all expectation, and all burden.

You find yourself in a place within yourself that has room to create, dream, rest, and reshape. That is where the magic lives.

That is where you will know with full certainty that you are the magic.

Something slimy and oozy and oh so gummy must be stuck in the gears.

Between the thirty-day writing challenge and the work of creating yoga and meditation content, I found myself unable to produce anything of note. Not working on my mail newsletter, being inspired by REELs on my feed, or squeezing one poem or short story through the goo.

I could blame it on the desire to monetize some of my work, though I know it will eventually be part of how I build my dreams.

I could blame it on the travel schedule and demands of being a nomad, but who am I kidding? With some proper time management, I have more free time than god herself.

No its something stickier.
Something trickier.
Something squishing through the gaps of all the self-confidence I have worked so hard to embody.

It is something far more relatable, tangible, and powerful than any fleeting self-doubt or desire to rage against the machine and suffer for my art.

What sticks and clings and forces itself to be known is that all too real worry that all this effort, all this passion, all this creativity is for nothing. That no one will care, and the world will keep turning.

That my too muchness will marry my not enough-ness and leave me vulnerable and right back “where I started.”

But fear not.

Just as you are reading this quick writing of the day, so have I begun to clear the goop once again. After years of trial and error and the knowing of the all-too-familiar feelings, I have concocted my “work-without-fail” goo remover.

The recipe for me:

• 3 days in a row of To Be Magnetic meditations (minimum)

• Letting myself rest - either with extra sleep or less activity in the day

• More time in nature.

  • Touching trees, swimming, hiking, laying in the grass are all options here.

• Tell someone or multiple someones about the sticky feeling

• A nasty journal entry followed by a beautiful one

• “Just sit down and start” after all of the above, works magic

A mix of all or some of these is sure to at least give those gears a little more room to turn, and before you know it, you look up, and you’ve got a fully written newsletter, three REELS scheduled, and a Substack post ready to send and all the silly little goblins in the back of your mind have been quieted once again.

And then we saw it.
A small sign sticking from the fresh Earth.

Dozen Fresh Eggs $5

“FIVE DOLLARS - what a steal, maybe we should drive back down here and get that phone number after we are settled.”

And then down the road we went.

Only a few short miles later, we saw it.
A small sign sticking from the fresh Earth.

”Dozen eggs $5 $4”

“FOUR DOLLARS - well, that is wild! They are keeping it competitive around here. It would be crazy to keep driving and come across some for $3- we laughed”

And again down the road we went.

A few short miles later, we found ourselves settling into our spot for the week.
Parking the trailer, pulling out the slide, and putting the kitchen back together after a jostling ride.
No small sign sticking from the fresh Earth with farm-fresh eggs for $3.

Until a few hours later,

As we wandered the amenities of the peaceful plot of land, I mozied into the little red barn open for guests to do laundry and take a warm shower,

and there it was.

A fridge full of canned goods, cold drinks, and you guessed it…

“Farm Fresh Eggs $3/dozen"

There is surely some kind of lesson in this.
Whether it be that when one door closes, another more aligned door shall open.

Or maybe not to rush into the first thing that sounds like it might be the right fit when you know that something better may be just around the corner.

Or, probably the most grounded of the options, sometimes you pass on things not really knowing if there is anything better, more affordable, or more aligned. You just drive past without too much thought, and then suddenly, you are in the presence of a blessing you never could have known would be there.

A third option to break open your dual-thinking mind.

We ended up purchasing 3 dozen eggs. One for us and two for a friend.

A blessing indeed.

A land barren of forestry, rich in open starry nights
A peaceful yet rugged place where the nomads wandered long ago

& somewhere in that openness, when I closed my eyes,
I could see them

Swaying above my head, rooted deep into the Earth, carrying the wisdom of decades and centuries.
The trees.
Elsewhere.

Not in the field or near the canyons.

but steady along the river, dense in the forest, and taller than any warrior man. Rich in greens and browns.

The trees called to me in my sleep and in my soul.

Their nature moves within me.

An embodiment of rooted strength and the steady growth of time.

With each return to the plains, no matter how rich that time may be, there is rarely a moment when I don’t long to sit beneath their shade or run my hand along their aging bark.

So I move closer. Each step guiding me and pulling me to where the trees are.

Where I feel most at home.

Stay tuned to Journey Home Healing for a new Yoga & Meditation library launching in the coming weeks!

This library will be available to all paid subscribers ($5/month) and will include a range of styles and levels for people at all stages of life. If there’s anything you would love to see sooner rather than later, let me know!

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While it was no eight-hour voyage through the mountains of Colorado, and it was only a two-hour drive across the flat plains, the adrenaline of finally setting off turned our dials of pride and excitement all the way up.

The day we pulled into the local RV park, found our spot, and got all hooked up is one we will never forget!

Things we have learned with one week under our belt (so far)

#1 - If you don’t want to be without proper hookups, PLAN AHEAD

There is this energy that washes over you when you buy a camper. This sudden urge to throw caution to the wind, let the river take you where it may, and allow all things to “fall into place” exactly as they should.

And don’t get me wrong, there is definitely a part of me that honors that energy well. HOWEVER, as with any meaningful and purposeful thing, there is a fundamental need for intentionality that allows space for freedom and excitement rather than stress and worry. And we learned that lesson FAST.

One day, we were talking about waking up to the sunrise bursting across Palo Duro Canyon on our daily morning hikes, and the next, we faced the reality that we had planned to book our spot right in the middle of spring break, during the weeks of perfect weather ahead.

A dream of the endless ability to book the perfect, most sought-after site the week of turned into a realization that finding the balance between free-spiritedness and awareness will be crucial for this adventure.

Lessons learned, and all our spots for the next month are booked and ready to go!

Up next:

• Fort Worth, Texas

• Hot Springs, Arkansas

• Chattanooga & Gatlinburg, Tennessee

• And beyond!

#2 - The people who sold us our trailer are true saints walking this Earth

The rig we ended up with keeps showing, over and over, that we are on the right path, because after two weeks of living in it, we are still on cloud nine about our choice. From the layout to the amenities to the style, everything continues to feel like home.

& when we think about how generous, caring, and attentive the previous owners were both in owning it and in selling it, we are even more grateful. Rather than spending time on endless repairs, pinching pennies from an overpriced buy, or wishing we had chosen a different floor plan, we are decorating, showing it off, and finding all the nooks and crannies to store all our things.

#3 - Watching other people in the park and looking at their setups is the most entertaining pastime possible

Of course, we respect people’s privacy and try not to be creepers, but man, oh man, there is just so much to see. From big rigs pulling big trucks (instead of the other way around), to tiny campers housing two people and three dogs, there is an endless combination of the type of people and setups just at this one park in this one place.

We are especially excited about landing in places where people spend more time outdoors and in community spaces, so we can start making new friends and hearing their stories rather than just observing from the window or while on walks!

Overall, we are certain that this will be the most refining and interesting experience of both our lives, as so much lies ahead with both a certainty and a vast unknown. As we have settled in, an opening is forming, providing the space, opportunity, and clarity we have much needed.

I cannot wait to continue sharing along the way!

So this morning I woke up on the precipice of day two, always the worst for me.

I could feel the cramping deep in my belly and the stiffness in my lower back, a cruel welcome to such a beautiful morning.

Grumpy, slow-moving, and uncomfortable, I made my way to the kitchen.

Already with guards up and the desire to curl up in a ball and melt into the Earth, I beckoned in the bickering with Peter, refusing the hugs and finding all the mistakes of our lovely daily routine.

A righteous nature stemming from my pain and emotional exhaustion seeping into all the cracks of the day ahead.

Until, like a whisper from god herself, the easy listening electronic morning playlist echoed from the living room, and a grin broke across my face.

In one moment, ready to rage war over the island counter top, and the next, we were bumping booties, wiggling our arms above our heads, and swaying our hips back and forth.

The cramps melted away if only for a moment.
The room felt lighter.
And the warmth of laughter and togetherness filled the space that was previously occupied by the tension of discomfort.

There are few, if any, moments in which lightness cannot be the medicine.
There is rarely an argument too serious or an expectation too important in which a moment of lightness does not reach in and soften.

So remember, when the world feels dark or your space feels too heavy, allow yourself to dance. Let the light in.

This shift into a state of being that pulled at all the edges of my being.

I was in the wondering, the wishing, and the worrying, while also being in transition and limbo.

There, every button being pressed, every stress being stressed, and all the daily decisions still needing to be made as massive amounts of painful information flooded our screens and our body systems.

There was a moment when I found myself questioning every part of what I had built and where I was headed.

And just when I thought I had met the edge of it all, when I couldn’t bear the wondering any longer, the wind shifted.

Just as a caterpillar metamorphoses into a butterfly, the process of transformation requires a middle stage, where the caterpillar turns into a sludge-like goo within the chrysalis before emerging into the world in its truest form

And part of that is that no matter how badly we want to get to the other side,
where we are the butterfly,
where we have everything that authentically aligns with all we dream of,
is that we must succumb to the “goo.”

We must let our old self, and all it needed to hold onto, take on a form of surrender that often feels like letting it die. We let all that we have learned, done, and come to know become the nutrients for who we are becoming.

And that looks like allowing ourselves to enter into the goo.
To create like we are in the goo.
To dream like we are in the goo.
To rest like we are in the goo.

Because all the freedom, the discomfort, the space that the goo provides, is in preparation for what comes next. The complete reorganizing of ideas and beliefs that pulls us closer and closer to the highest expression of ourselves.

Read more about this beautiful concept in Danielle Gould’s article, Navigating a Crumbling World: Lessons From the Chrysalis.

Waking up last week, I felt the shift within the goo; I felt my mind and body finally stop attacking the new cells being formed from the old. I stopped fighting the goo and instead allowed myself to become it.

And in that acceptance, that permission to become uncertain, the clarity I had been searching for found me.

The old version of my dream was stripped away and given a new purpose.
From a vision focused on Joy, Warmth, and Integrity, to something deeper, something less clear but far more powerful.

• Stewardship: to steward land, life, self, and community through times of change and transformation. To be the caretaker of my container and to create space within me to hold more.

• Resilience: to be unshakable. A resilience to look pressure in the face and hold firm and soft at the same time. A body that rebounds and a focus that is determined.

• Expansion: to bathe in the belief that all things are possible. To see to believe in a better world, a more aligned life, and abundance in all areas of existence.

Not a need for abandoning my joy, warmth, or integrity, but rather integrating them within this new level of expression. A space that feels more far-reaching and more rooted in my purpose.

Never has the cycle of reintroduction been easy, but with each round and each season of wondering, the belief that clarity always lies on the other side of uncertainty grows ever stronger.

A deep, unshakable knowing that the stripping is here to reveal a layer far more real and meaningful than anything we fight to hold on to.

Thank you for taking the time to meet me here today.

It feels like this project of sitting down to write has been the key to unlocking so many beautiful things within the “goo.”

I have some projects out in the ether that speak so deeply to my soul and that I hope will be shared broadly soon, but if you are in a phase of desiring to consume more physical media and art, one of these projects may just be medicine for your soul as much as it is mine.

I am releasing parts of that project to my paid subscribers and close personal friends to begin, as it requires much more time and resources than sitting down to write here does. So if your curiosity has been piqued, you can be one of the first to experience this new form of works by becoming a paid subscriber ($5/month or $55/year).

I would absolutely love to bring you along on the journey of exploring something new.

What did that mean?

That meant setting aside the idea of a resolution or goal and, instead, stepping into a space where creativity, cultivation, stewardship, and care took center stage.

More practically, it looked like sitting down every single day to write and share regardless of time, mood, or ideas.

While I have not succeeded in the everyday part, though it’s improving, I have written 10 Substack articles (including this one).

Some are more poetic in nature like:

While others are more reflective about life and even my personal experiences like:

And along the way, sharing how this experience has already begun to push and mold me:

Each direction, pathway, and genre bringing deep meaning to the practice and reminding me once again that human nature contains multitudes. The poems, the shared stories, and the lessons in growth, all finding there place in this narrative.

When I took the time to create some graphics to share on my Instagram about the most recent works, here is the caption that came out of me when trying to express what led me here:

Lately, I’ve been feeling really nostalgic for the 2020 version of me.

The version of me who would stay up until 2 am working on her personal website. Not a website she expected large droves of traffic to find, but a space out in the tech-sphere that felt like hers.

The version of me that was posting blogs as the ideas flowed in, without worrying if other people would understand what she was trying to say.

The version of me that got lost in creating, scheming, trying new things, and sharing her lived experiences.

I’m not yearning to be who I used to be; I love who I have become, and yet, I want to call in the essence of that self that found

discipline in creativity,
healing in sharing,
and inspiration in inquiry.

So here is that attempt.

A 30-day challenge to sit down and write on Substack. Much simpler than building an entire website, but just as soothing for the soul.

I hope you find part of your story in mine.

A call to other versions of me to come sit in this space. To remind me of what sparked transformative action so long ago.

So, if you find yourself seeking pieces that feel more human, more raw, more fun, and more genuine, you are in the right place.

Thank you for being here and thank you for being YOU!

Being an A+ person probably has its perks.

Gold medals at the Olympics,
shooting off into space to discover some unknown resource beyond,
or always having a tidy home, with a clean and clear to-do list hanging on the fridge, doesn’t sound so shabby.

Being an A+ person seems to come with accolades, opportunities, and success that outmatch the progress of most people.

But for me, the sacrifice of being an “A+ always” type of person in today’s world of hyper progress, hyper glorification of power, and expectations of complete self-sacrifice doesn’t make all that work seem any more meaningful.

And while that may be my observation now, it hasn’t always been so clear.

I can vividly remember the time in my life when I really, really, really wanted to be A+.

I wanted to be loved by my teachers,
make the highest grades,
be the best at all the things I tried, and be “something”
(whatever my idea of “something” was).

I received some accolades, some purpose, and somewhat of a direction…

What I mostly got was the development of a panic disorder, quitting A LOT of things, and unfounded perfectionism.

Yet, as I have lived and grown, I have learned that maximum effort does not always yield maximum reward. Through reflecting on my efforts, I have seen that striving for A+ perseverance builds a kind of resilience and depth of focus that has never come naturally to me.

So rather than fight it, burning myself out, and wishing I were different.

I’ve adapted.

The panic has subsided,
the perfectionism is much quieter now,
and I’ve adopted the practice of putting in real, meaningful effort in the areas that matter to me.

Allowing myself the freedom and admiring the beauty of loving lots of things regardless of how good I may or may not be at them.

I’ve been able to spread out without spreading so thin.

And when I do reach my edge, I am learning to let go even more to remain intact.

So, this looks like accepting the B+ sometimes rather than fighting for the A+.

In graded terms, that looks like

making sure the work gets turned in, even if it’s a tad late.
making sure I understand and comprehend the content, but not obsessing over taking notes on it all,
and citing my sources with a few formatting errors here and there.

In life, that means

• more openness in allowing others to lead; stepping back sometimes

• allowing things that can be solved tomorrow or in a week to be solved then, instead of RIGHT NOW

• admitting that I’m wrong a lot of the time

  • translated to not holding on so tight to things that are not that important.

  • Fight like hell for the things that are <3

• Using as much of my time and effort on the things that truly, deeply light me up and the rest of what’s left for pretty much everything else.

It is certainly not a perfect formula, and I’m not sure there ever could be, but wow, giving myself permission to just “be alright” at things like cleaning bathrooms or turning in low-weighted graded assignments with just a smidgen less effort is FREEING.

And plot twist…

The reason I added “mostly” to the end of this article’s title is because the more I allow room for B+ effort, the more I have found myself giving A+ effort to things that are in greater alignment.

It looks like actually reaching out to my professor about a grade because I really care about the class, or tweaking a graphic for a client ten times to make sure it represents their brand just right, because it’s an honor to create for them.

It’s the ability to increase effort and desire to succeed without the impending burnout.

It’s the breaks that pump when I reach the edge of what I can give.

Allowing myself to be B+ a lot of the time has made space for building something I never saw possible, and this article you are reading is a part of that.

Sitting down each day, no matter how messy or bad or relatable or late at night my writings are, I sit down, and I write.

Each day is becoming a little clearer, a little more succinct, a little more creative, and I am a lot more pleased with my work and the efforts it takes to create something worth sharing.

If you enjoyed this writing, know that every share with a friend, like, comment, and subscription (it’s free), helps me continue this work and is tremendously meaningful to me. Thank you for being here AND for being YOU!

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I’d say that’s only part of how we understand both home and money.

While billionaires compound their greed with greed, abusing power, killing the planet, and seeming to never let enough be enough, there are people who a few extra dollars a month could make the difference in being fed or not, getting educational support or not, or paying for the electricity or not.

Where one finds no happiness in the endless void of more, the other could find room for more peace and security which may allow for a deep sense of happiness to emerge.

I feel the same way about a sense of home.

While there is richness in feeling warm and held in spaces and places that hold our hearts, it can be difficult to separate the sense of home from a carefully curated collection of items and spaces that feel like they hold me back.

The idea that home is anywhere, with anyone, is so admirable. I live in awe of the nomad, the backpackers, and the minimalists.

Finding home in the simplicity of it all.

Maybe it’s the Earth sign in me, but a “home” away from my home only sustains me for up to two weeks, and then, like clockwork, or a beacon calling me back, I begin to lose my sense of self, my sense of security.

After years of trial and error. Traveling, changing lifestyles, acquiring more and acquiring less, I’ve finally started to grasp what “home is where the heart is” means to me.

Home is a place filled with deep intention, not overconsumption.

Home is unique to me and tells the story of all the years I have lived.

Home is access to the hobbies and homemaking that warm my spirit and my soul.

It’s not about whether my house has wheels on it or not. Whether I have a roommate or not, or even whether I’m confined to one room worth of space or not.

It’s about the few deeply meaningful pieces of art that follow me everywhere I go, the letters from loved ones that get taped up on the door, and the ability to make bread for my friends and neighbors.

A place that can be cleansed, stewarded, and appreciated.

Like the house witch, tending the home like a warm hearth.

I welcome myself home each time I pull out the boxes and gently unpack it all. Finding the perfect spot for what I crave to see each day when I wake and each night when I go to sleep.

& after weeks of being far from those things, I’m finally feeling like I’m home again; finding my heart again.

More on that coming soon.

If you enjoyed this writing, know that every share with a friend, like, comment, and subscription (it’s free), helps me continue this work and is tremendously meaningful to me. Thank you for being here AND for being YOU!

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“Come on, just move a little slower,” she insists.

“Slow down, please,” she pleads.

A phrase to bring peace, now a battle cry for change.

Has it ever really been in our nature to move slowly, or has it always been an active choice to look around and choose richness over rapidness?

Where now our nervous system are wrecked by emails and honking horns, we used to live in fear of starvation or the creatures lurking in the dark as we slept.

Has there ever really been a moment where choosing peace over worry was any simpler?

That’s the nature of cycles.

Not that anything becomes easier or harder, but rather the same lessons take new form.

The active choice to breathe where others chose to hold.
to dance when others chose to sit aside.
to create when robots take up spaces that used to be ours.
to raise children to run outside and play when the world tells you to keep them in.

No harder than celebrating despite the poor harvest
No riskier than singing praises when the wells ran dry
No more heartbreaking than the sound of a child’s cough when the weather was unkind.

Moving slowly in a time that demands we move faster.
A gift, a challenge, an invitation, and a hand reaching back into the past to say, “I am right here with you in the ever changing nature of it all.”

If you enjoyed this writing, know that every share with a friend, like, comment, and subscription (it’s free), helps me continue this work and is tremendously meaningful to me. Thank you for being here AND for being YOU!

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I’ve found myself in limbo once again, and for those who know me, limbo is a tricky spot.

In limbo, I find “myself sitting between the edge of who I have been and who I am becoming (Limbo).”

In this space in between, there is so much room for everything.

For creativity, for recalibrating, for meditation, for movement, and to catch up on all the things being in action consumes, and yet, I am doing very little of that.

To be so deeply gifted with the resource, there never seems to be enough of…time,
I find myself spending most of it on my phone or with other people, leaving no space for introspection, art, or even the beauty of boredom.

It’s not that there is anything to complain about; in fact, that would feel wrong. This is a rich and amazing opportunity, and it would be a shame to look up and feel like I missed it.

So, today, as I sit down to write for day 4/30 of creating more than I consume, with a few missed days here and there, I am also adding a new layer and reactivating my ScreenZen timers to help me be more aware of the time I spend on my phone.

When there is room for me, between spending time with my parents, my partner, and my friends, I want it FILLED with all the things that inspire and awaken my magic.

I want to be journaling, walking, creating content, baking, cleaning, and lying down, staring at the ceiling — I want to make space for the messy, the real, the fanciful, and the evolution of my mind.

There is so much beauty right now and ahead of me, and here I am declaring to the universe that I want to see it all!

If you enjoyed this writing, know that every share with a friend, like, comment, and subscription (it’s free), helps me continue this work and is tremendously meaningful to me. Thank you for being here AND for being YOU!

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A little intro may be in order first.

This is Peter!

This is my partner in crime —
crime being illegally handsome, unlawfully driven, and delinquently giving.
We met just about 4 months ago, and immediately decided that we were the person the other had been waiting for. And if you think that’s crazy, you should hear how I got here. We are no strangers to crazy around here.

See, we were both headed out of Colorado to travel the U.S., whether by camper or van, but kept getting stuck on the logistics.

Me - towing a rig and trying to figure out how the hell to fix anything when things went wrong.

Him- figuring out where to go and what the heck to do when he got there.

Thus, our partnership was born with a firm handshake and a sweet kiss.

We decided pretty early on that we wanted to do this thing and figure out the rest along the way. So after about three months of living 3 hours apart and going back and forth, I found myself staying in his apartment, and packing up all we had brought to the mountains to set off on the next adventure.

This start included squeezing in as much skiing as we could, sleeping in the truck bed on a night that dropped to an estimated -11 degrees, and eating more turkey and cheese wraps than you would think two people could.

This was the start of shifting gears into a living, breathing embodiment of our shared core belief that life is worth savoring. Without rushing, without a set need to be anywhere, and with an approach that required open hands and meaningful check-ins, we journeyed down south to Texas to settle in to begin our search for the rig we will soon call home.

And now we are here - among the tumbleweeds and in between neighborhood churches, opening our hands once again as we walk through travel campers and dream of what it will feel like to hit the open road.

& after a while, we’ve started to feel a bit like Goldilocks.

“This one is too small, this one is too old, this one is too pricey.”

All in the hopes that soon one will feel JUSSTTT RIGHHHTT.

In the meantime, this semester of school is giving me a true run for my money. Spending over 20 hours a week deep in the depths of ethical research-based coaching methodology and the ethics of integrative care, I have found myself FINALLY feeling like the investment in a Master’s program was the right move — and don’t worry, Peter has found plenty to do, as a man who loves to stay active and always can find a project he’s gone from changing brake pads to laying tile for my mom, and always making sure the sink is rid of dirty dishes.

We anticipate leaving here and heading to the next stop in the next few weeks, but first, we ask, OH WHERE IS OUR CAMPER?!

& what a blessing it is to have the resources, support, and space to be on this search and to embody such a beautiful way of life. We move with deep and constantly evolving gratitude for every moment and every face we meet along the way.

If you enjoyed this writing, I hope to spend the next thirty days sitting down just like this and allowing space for creativity and hope to pour out.

& the ask of course, is knowing that every share with a friend, like, comment, and subscription (it’s free), helps me continue this work and is so tremendously meaningful to me.

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When you sit in a room full of people

And you can’t help but feel alone

Contrary to what you want to believe,
The invitation to go deeper begins.

To light the candle, hold it out, and step into the darkness.

To follow its story,
its caverns,
its walkways,
and let it wind you down down down into your center.

In the center lives your breath, your life force, your truth.

When you find your center and open to the aloneness, there you can listen.

In the silence

Listen for the heartbeat

Listen for the truth, you know that lives there

Listen for that knowing deep within that you are meant to be here

In the center, the sense of aloneness can begin to fade.

When you know yourself truly -

When you hear your life beating through you -

When you can meet yourself wherever you go, you realize it is impossible to ever be alone.

Because you are there.
You are present.
And in presence,
there is a great capacity to feel the love that surrounds you.

In the next few days, I hope to take some time to record a meaningful meditation to support anyone who feels alone and needs a little nourishment this week.

If you enjoyed this writing, I hope to spend the next thirty days sitting down just like this and allowing space for creativity and hope to pour out.

& the ask of course, is knowing that every share with a friend, like, comment, and subscription (it’s free), helps me continue this work and is so tremendously meaningful to me.

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To sit down each day, regardless of mood, activities, or resistances, and to write. No direction, end goal, or time expectation. Just sitting down and pouring out art, love, ideas, & allowing it to break me open, set me free, and take us deeper.

See, there is this idea of little acts of resilience, not resistance, contrary to how I interpreted it previously.

This idea that if our world leaders want to strip us of our compassion,
If those operating from fear want to strip us of our art,
& if those making all their money on our data and our attention want to strip away our focus,

Then, truly, the most meaningful acts of resilience are in
how we care, how we create, and how we stay present.

When it feels like there is nothing left to do, nothing new to say, and no fight left in us, there is always the human capacity to resist darkness.

It is as intertwined within us as the DNA coursing through our blood.

There is always a sentence to be written, a stroke of paint to brush, a tree to sit beneath, a friend to walk alongside, a laugh to escape from between two lips.

& although it feels further away for me than it has in a while,

the human capacity for great love, great progress, and great beauty is not the outlier in the history of this beautiful world; it is the life force, the river that runs through.

The radical nature of Christ, of Buddha, of the native medicine women, and of the heartbeat of the Earth is, in fact, not radical at all.

To mourn loss and celebrate life.
To move through the cycles.
To dance to music all around.
To allow our own character to be the witness.

This is life itself.

The hate, the separatism, the lust for power, the selfishness, that is what is

radical; affecting the fundamental nature of something; far-reaching or thorough.

It’s divisive, crude, and unmistakably man-made. It reaches far beyond our collective calling.

Your joy, your nature, your uniqueness, your fascination, your inner child and inner wisdom, that is what comes from the soil and the spirit all around.

So make space for it.
Make space for soil between your fingers, a moment with god in the middle of a crowded room, a breath so steady that it fills the body from the belly to the chest.

Make space for your resilience,
make space to allow the river to rush through you.
You are not radical in this.
You are exactly where you are meant to be.

If you enjoyed this writing, I hope to spend the next thirty days sitting down just like this and allowing space for creativity and hope to pour out.

& the ask of course is knowing that every share with a friend, like, comment, and subscription (it’s free), helps me continue this work and is so tremendously meaningful to me.

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& I find myself at the end of this unwoven thread, wondering what could possibly come next, what more could there possibly be to learn, and yet, the limitlessness keeps expanding.

On Libro.FM The Way of Integrity guides me back through the inferno of self discovery,
in my journal the inner child magic blooms alongside To Be Magnetic’s end of year challenge,
on my bedside Financial Freedom is guiding me deeper into awareness around money and where I want to be in 10 years
...and buried at the bottom of my backpack always ready for when I need it most, The Courage to Be Disliked, is there ready to help me see my suffering, know my tasks, and live courageously aligned with what I am called to do.

Playing in the background of it all are the melodic and healing tunes of LVDY and Hayden Pedigo. A perfect sanctuary of healing and independent art.

A beckoning into the new year.
The one I have prayed to “bathe me in the belief that all things are possible.”
The year of radical expansion and infinite curiosity.

Taking what I have learned in my 8 years of “adulthood” and starting to blend it all like a rich smoothie. A flavor unlike any other.

A handful of hymns, an entire gay parade, a cup of mountain air, mysterious natural remedies, a chaotically written self-help book, a dash of divorce, and a whole hell of a lot of wondering “what the fuck is going on around here.”

Ahhh, my favorite order.

This is an invitation to ponder what might be missing.
What special ingredient is just waiting to be mixed in to add flavor, warmth, or simply a good story at parties?

And I accept it with my whole being.

I accept the uncertainty. The teetering. The wondering and the wandering.

I accept that this is everything and it is enough.

I am enough.

I am not broken.
I am not “lost.”
I am not seeking some enlightenment or answer.

I am exactly where I am meant to be, exactly who I was made to be, meeting myself on the edge of what comes next.

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Mind-body tools are simple and rooted in long-standing traditions,

but how do we shift at a national or even global level from the perpetuation of modern, pharma-reliant practices in an era of hyper-capitalistic and corporate systems?

While there has seemingly been a rise in holistic solutions to chronic problems, much of the culture is also entrenched in a patriotism that perpetuates systems of hyper-consumption and inaccessibility for lower-income communities. For example, the rise of the “Make America Healthy Again” movement is a badge of pride for the battle on food dyes. However, it neglects to advocate for food equity programs, lower costs for whole foods, or even a healthy relationship with life-saving technologies such as vaccines, which have been proven to improve collective health across the board.

I find myself often pondering what all this effort is for, as funding for research is stripped away, children are losing access to safe havens of health, and mind-body practices continue to be ousted by insurance companies and doctors alike.

However, there is always the glimmer that brings me back.

Hope for Mind Body Practices

In the book "The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self" (2021), Martha Beck describes living in integrity with oneself as creating a fractal of integrity. As one follows their integrity, living in honesty, transparency, and meaningful action, their energy exists as a fractal that radiates from this level of consciousness and action to those surrounding them.

As those surrounding them seek their path to integrity, they reflect on those around them.

Similar to the idea that a rising tide raises all ships.

This model of thinking is incredibly uplifting and meaningful as an aspiring mind-body-spirit practitioner. As I pursue, study, and encourage the integration of practices such as breathwork, yoga, and expressive writing within my own life, I begin to help those around me do the same, and it goes beyond just theory.

I have personally witnessed my letter-writing technique help other people through breakups and loss. I have had yoga students moved to tears of both joy and release in class. I have seen how a calming breath can change the tide and help a child build up the courage to keep going as they attempt to climb down the wall during a rock-climbing practice.

These tools have tenfold impacted my grounded and intentional presence. So, while the pain we feel as a collective and as the days move forward into more of the unknown, I return to being a fractal, a reflection. Coming back to class to learn, research, and explore, knowing that if I can leave just a handful of people with more resources than they started, it is all worth it.

Inspired by the work of Ginwright (2018), shifting focus from trauma to healing is critical for the next wave of care. To understand that it is not simply the absence of misery that makes meaningful change, but rather the combination of hope and purpose, people are inspired to continue moving forward (Ginwright, 2018).

Ginwright, S. (2018, May 31). The future of healing: Shifting from trauma-informed care to healing centered engagement. Medium. https://ginwright.medium.com/the-future-of-healing-shifting-from-trauma-informed-care-to-healing-centered-engagement-634f557ce69c

I speak with direction
Plan with precision
Dance with no inhibitions

There is not a cell in my body that doesn’t scream “I love you” to those I’ve just met

I’m far from casual
The most “chalant”

My love is all-enveloping
A light bursting from the chest.
A medicine for the pain.
Love and joy and laughter and intention woven into each moment.

To know me is to be loved.

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A sigh releases from her lips

This familiar creeping. Of sorrow, of desire, of wondering if the numbness could sneak its way back in

The music enveloping her from all sides, surrounded, no one is watching.
letting her body release and her worries cascade from her fingertips

as she moves, so do those around her.
Caught up in the dance.
reaching for their own sense of freedom

Losing herself in her journal, allowing the ache to move and exist in every crack and crevice, she writes “I feel crazy” and a small smile flashes across her lips.

To be a woman. To feel crazy. What a blessing.

The car windows rolled down and the radio up loud as the melodies of music escape from her, filling the valley and calling forth a new lightness.

This is heaven. She is certain.

Holding the frustrations of the world, her ball of joy being pressed from all sides. How can she protect what she most treasures when her essence is a threat to the expected

To feel peace in adversity, to feel safe in chaos, to see beauty in the pain. A gift and a burden. a two-sided blade.

Staring up as the Aspens dance and sing their chorus, she knows that she is exactly where she is called to be.
There is no doubt in this.
Uncertain about the future, reminiscent of the past, but just as kindly set gently in the present.

Honored by the gift to do something, anything, always.

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Something to the drinking less, praying more
Watching what you consume and donating the 10%

There is something in the beauty of community

In the falling to your knees in humility as the world’s children starve and your brothers and sisters hide in fear of what is to come

There is something to walking gently and singing loudly
while lending a helping hand and committing to compassion

Where religion has alluded me, Christ has found me.

Not in pews. Not in ways I would have ever thought pure.

Christ has found me in the rivers, in the messy friendships, in the bottom of the bottle.

I have walked with Christ in the party goer, the sexual partner, and the communities condemned by the “holiest of holy”

Called to be little Christ in the mysticism and the unknown.

So yes, I would say there is something to it, but never while it adorns itself in shame.

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