I am perfectly oriented
a relationship with attachment and the work in unraveling it
It has been a moment since I have felt the pull to sit and write in this form. My journal is BURSTING with words, and my camera roll is full of photos and videos to share, but this intimate and living place has held little, if any, of my attention.
But as Peter and I lay down to go to sleep, this pull to come here and share pulled me straight out of bed, much to my love’s chagrin.
So here she is
A few weeks ago, I wrote at the top of a journal page
“I am perfectly oriented”
I could FEEL that in my bones when I wrote it.
Not some meaningful phrase left to waste away in pages full of meaningful phrases, but rather a declaration of a truth, clear and simple. It radiates confidence, clarity, and power even now as I look back on it.
And I don’t subscribe to the idea that things “just happen” overnight;
Rather, they unfold over years, decades, and lifetimes.
But when they finally do happen, they sure do feel sudden.
During one random, undated day of the week:
“I am perfectly oriented.”
& no part of me asked, “To what?”
I just knew.
Similar to how the weeks after coming to terms with my divorce in 2024, I just knew, without reason or rhyme, that everything was falling into place, like steps in front of me.
I had let go of any shame or guilt and, at some point, just felt freedom.
Back in ‘24, that knowing formed in the cracks between winter and spring, like a rebirth.
But here and now, this “revelation” tastes more like the spring buds bursting alive into summer.
There is an aliveness & a determinedness that also feels sweet like summer rain and long days in the wild.
And this new orientation has felt ever so invigorating and freeing.
Like waking up one day and being, even if just 1%, less attached to everything.
My whole view began to shift from a doctrine to an experiment.
From this directional positioning towards what is in front of me,
I ask, “What would it feel like to just TRY moving forward from here just to see how close I can get?”
Blocks I have been WRESTLING with, lost their grip.
Stories that typically plague me, hushed or vanished completely.
Tasks and goals I have attempted to maintain for YEARS have become practically effortless.
And again, I say all this in full knowing that this sense of lightness has been years in the making and will just as quickly evolve into new challenges, leaving the sensation of full “at oneness” in its wake.
Only a foolish student would believe they have even truly begun to understand.
But I am savoring it.
I am savoring this feeling of soul-level satisfaction.
I am savoring playing, trying, and experimenting as long as I can.
I am savoring detachment from expectations.
In fact, I just wrote down a few moments before arriving here at my laptop,
“When I feel the frustration, spinning, the need to control, the urge to recoil, that is my signal that I am far too close to my expectations and that my attachment to the outcome is not yet cleared. I must first find safety to release how it will serve me, then I will find satisfaction in sharing.”
And so even if this orientation is just a glimmer, such richness has been revealed from its shimmer.
Go Deeper with Me
Free Speak your needs, Spark your desire: Guided Journaling June 24th (7PM EST)
Bring your journal and be ready to get sooo super clear on your needs, wants, and manifestations for this season of your life. Honoring that “who you are” comes before “what you want,” we will drop into a clearing to get all the noise out of the way, then make room for exploration through journaling and meaningful conversations (if desired by the group).
Together, we’ll co-create a journey uniquely designed for you, helping you journey toward your most authentic self. With personalized support, we’ll uncover and unlayer what’s holding you back, empowering you to move forward with clarity, confidence, and deeper integrity.
